This is it.  I’m finally going to do it; take the ultimate leap.  I’m going to kill myself. Figuratively.  Then rebuild myself from the ground up.

Background

I am twenty three years old.  I have graduated college and I live in what most call the “real world.”  I have a stable nine to five that provides ample benefits and pays more than most American households earn annually.  I have a handful of friends, I drive a Porsche, and I am a well adjusted individual (for the most part).  

The Problem

The problem is that I want more and that is why I am doing this.  I was once told by one of my professors that if you want to change something in your life, then you need to change your entire lifestyle.  He continued to say that you will always fail at achieving your new goal unless you are doing it for love – the love of a woman, a relative, the goal itself, or the love for whatever it may be as long as it exists.  I whole heartedly believe him and that’s why I know I cannot fail – I love myself too much to go down without a fight (no homo).

But I can’t do this alone.  I have known myself for twenty three years and I recognize my weaknesses.

• I never finish what I start
• I pretend like I know more than I actually do
• I am a good liar because I convince myself the lies are true.
• I am apathetic towards just about everything
• I have an addictive personality
• I have low self esteem

…and the list goes on.

The Purpose

Like I said before, I cannot do this alone.  This is where you come in.  I need you and I think you might need me just as much.  I am a firm believer that if you have enough people with the same outlook on something you can achieve it, no questions asked.  I want to be the guy everyone looks up to because he seems to have it all and is the real deal.  You know the guy, and so do I.

<3 Bateman

What a shitty first draft.  

Originally written two weeks (and some change) prior to this evening, the “post” above, if you can call it that, was actually fairly therapeutic.  While I was clearly feeling down at the time of their creation, those sentences helped me pull myself out of a bad spot, and into, as you can see, what could be described as a fairly optimistic mood.  All of the things written, and eventually crossed off, are true, but my intentions were not 100 percent accurate.

As I see it, life is nothing more than a game.  What you perceive is what is real, and for all I know, EVERYTHING that happens in this world could very well have been created, destroyed, or perceived as however my mind wants.  It might sound dumb, but think about it for a second.  If nothing else, I believe that this mindset (while slightly twisted) will be able to provide me with all of the positivity, reassurance, and confidence that I currently lack.  This is my world, and you and everything else inside it is here because of me.  A bit of narcissism goes a long way for some of us, but too much usually proves to be fatal.

I don’t know what this blog is about, and I’m not sure what it will turn into (if anything).  I cannot guarantee regular posts, although I do have a number of ideas for topics to write about that I’ve wanted to write about for a long time.  My writing will not be perfect, nor do I think it should be (at least for a while) – feel free to leave critiques and grammar/spelling errors in the comments.  And comment on stuff.  I need a reason to get out of bed, and lately I don’t seem to have one.